Thursday, September 29, 2005

Now we step into the way back machine....

Now that we have covered the higher topics of poop and toots, I thought we would descend in to the world of Disney. Sort of like that submarine ride they used to have. Either that or the "doodloo doodloo doodloo" sound Wayne Campbell makes right after he tells Garth to take his Ritalin and they fade into a fantasy together.

So like 326 years and 9 days ago, I got divorced. At the time it was no fun, but now I couldn't be happier about it. Why you ask? Because I met this fine lady.

My son you are about to meet was brand new when this happened. His mom left me before she had him. Tra la la la... don't cry for me concertina... la la de da.... Anyway, when my little guy was 2, his mom went to California with him, and drove PAST Disneyland, but didn't take him. I was appalled, nay shocked and appalled.

So amidst harumphs and pshaws, I went to the bank and refinanced my car for the third time, and bought a deluxe package deal for 5 days with passes to Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, Sand Diego Zoo, and Sea World. I was hot to trot.

Now he being 2 at the time, he doesn't remember any of it anymore (he turns 12 in February). But I have some great pictures of our adventures there.

First we visit the airplane ride to LAX. Here we see the Bug, as I called him then, getting "Soapies" out of the button used to lower the plane seat:

That's my stylish shoe in the corner.

Once we were in California, we went to Disneyland in the morning and had a great time, came home for a nap, then went back until dark. We had a shuttle from the hotel that took us to all of the parks, it was wonderful. The little guy would sleep during the shuttle rides, and occasionally at the parks. The Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki room got him, he missed most of it.

At Sea World, I took him to the area where the kids can touch the dolphins. He was too little to reach them, so I lifted him up and out. Right as he got to the dolphin, it purged its blowhole right in his face.

"Daddy, I don't want to see the dolphins anymore."

At Disneyland, he was an attraction in himself, because he has a daddy with a strange sense of humor. Before our trip, I had a shirt made for him that read "I kicked Mickey Mouse at Disneyland." He is wearing it in the pictures to come. Most people thought it was funny, even the characters. One lady however was practically outraged, that was in line for the Dumbo ride. Luckily, we didn't have to deal with her much. Sheesh its a joke!

We visited Pinnochio. He was there with Kitty. Kitty thought it was funny, but as they are not allowed to talk, he had to tap me on the shoulder and mimic laughing with his paw to his mouth. Then he got Pinnochio's attention and pointed to the shirt. Great fun.

Here we see him honking Kitty's nose... notice Kitty is still pointing at his shirt:

Ain't he cute?

Somewhere during our visit we saw Roger Rabbit... Hey, it was probably in Toon Town, duh! Anyway, here's the Bug with Roger Rabbit, and you get a better look at his shirt:

Now, years later, like last March... The family minus the Bug went to Disneyland to see our 14 year old play with his band at the Carnation Plaza, which by the way, I did on two separate occasions with my group when I was 17, but I digress.

So before the trip, I thought it would be fun to have the Bear wear the same shirt. It would be sort of a rite of passage, a baton passing if you will from Bug to Bear of a treasured family item. My wife had issue with it for some reason, and actually took a poll on her blog to see what all you thought about it. I lost the vote. So the Bear just wore boring old kid clothes.

I will have more on the Bug, The Bear, Big Brother Vegan Boy, DramaMama, and CheezWeezil in days to come. Until then...


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Monday, September 26, 2005

Which reminds me....

There seems to be a pattern emerging here:

Take 1:

Take 2:

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A plop, a scream, a charge, and a big surprise

The little guy pictured on my blog was having a shower. He is very vocal in there so you can easily tell what he is up to.

Well this time he started screaming "DADDY! DADDY!" so naturally I think he's dying and I don my Superman outfit to go save the day.

I threw back the shower curtain just in time to hear, "Look... POOP!"

Apparently he had been saving up for a whole week and uncorked the lot right in the shower. However, before screaming for me, he endeavored to "tidy up" a bit. This meant that he pushed the poop closer to the drain.

So when I got there, there was about 2 cowpies worth piled on the drain, and a smear running half the length of the shower. Of course there were his hands, legs, and feet artfully covered in said fecal material.

My wife was lying on the bed about 20 feet away, laughing heartily and saying, "I'm glad you took this one."

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Saturday, September 24, 2005

Queer Eye for the Camelot Guy

He he he...

DramaMama and I went to a local dinner theatre last night known as Broadway Palm. My company has the contract to produce advertising, posters, and the little program booklet that each of the attendees get.

The production last night was "Camelot". We enjoyed it okay, but felt it good have been stronger in places. When Lancelot made his appearance, my wife leaned over and said, "Oooooo I LIKE him!" She thought he was pretty cute. As the night progressed, she leaned over and said, "Lancelot is one of those guys that is nice to look at, but you wish would shut up." Apparently his "French" accent wavered a little to much for her liking. I thought he sounded like Antonio Banderas.

Anyway by the end of the night she commented that there wasn't much chemistry between Arthur and Guinevere, and there certainly wasn't any between Lancelot and Guinevere. "BECAUSE HE'S GAY!"****

This morning we were again discussing the production, and she commented "Wouldn't it've been funny if Lancelot hit on Arthur instead of Guinevere?

Then she starting singing, "Queer-a-lot". Altogether a very amusing discussion.

**** I want it made perfectly clear that she is very tolerant of gay men, and has quite a few friends that are. She was not bashing, but commenting on the lack of chemistry with the actors. AND btw she very much enjoys the show after which this blog's name was patterned. But then, she likes country music too, although Bon Jovi is her favorite group. She likes purple, and shoes and purses, and Carraba's the Italian restaurant and scrapbooking, cute babies, and chick-flick movies, and .....

What was I talking about????

Oh well, better stop Ta!

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Thursday, September 22, 2005

A Cherished Time in Every Boy's Life

"Cheeto Fingers"


Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Start 'em Early I Say!

"Pull My Finger!"

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Caption Me in my Spidey Undies

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Monday, September 19, 2005

4 Year old brainwaves... Gotta love 'em!

I heard the Bear coming around a corner jabbering all the way.

As he made the turn I said, "BOO!"

"Whoa," he said.

"Did I scare the crap out of you?" *

"No the crap is still in me."

* Kind of a running joke between us... no pun intended on the 'running' thing.

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Friday, September 16, 2005

I have no idea why

My wife will probably yell at me for this, but oh well, it all in jest.

Dirty socks on the lamp,
smelly shoes upon the stairs,
if I really gave a rip,
I'd change my underwears.

It just popped into my head and I had to share... I am shaking my head too. :)

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A red letter day

Woo Hoo!

The Bear figured out how to ride his trike today. He was so proud of himself, boogying down the street with no pants or shoes. Once we got him back home, he put some pants on, then we felt better about things.

He had some entertaining moments trying to go up hills. Gravity won out, and he went sailing backwards yelling "AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"

He had a good old time, and now wants to try his big bike which is a training wheel bike he got for Christmas.

So the Bear is even more mobile now.

Good job Buddy!

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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Egad Watson

It s was one of those days, everything was going super until..... I woke up.

Work was a frustration wrapped up in a big fat pain. The morning was okay, but at 1:00 I was supposed to set up my computer in a conference room for a meeting with a new high profile client. I had it all set up and working, and the sales rep waltzed in 10 minutes after the meeting was supposed to start to inform me that she hasn't heard from the client, and we probably arent having the meeting. ARRRRRR! Why didn't she take a few minutes BEFORE I setup to tell me that?

So from there I go to our secondary shop to produce a postcard for another high profile client. Of course the software wasnt cooperating, and it took me 2 hours longer than expected.

Upon returning from that, I went to my office to wrap up another day on a never ending project, to discover that my computer was still in the conference room.

By the time I got that returned and set up, the day was pretty much shot.

I was more than happy to leave promptly at 5:00.

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Monday, September 12, 2005

He said, she said

Perspective is a wonderful thing. The man works hard all day and comes home and wants to die. The woman works hard all day and the husband comes home and she wants to kill him.

Somewhere in the middle, both seem to see their side as the most necessary, and wonder why the other cant understand that.

For the past week or so, our family has been working very hard on all fronts to clean and maintain order in our house. It has gone a long way toward all of us appreciating the others. Our house looks great and has for a solid 2 weeks. That is a humungous feat/achievement.

The yard is improving, although when Frankenstein got jolted by lightning, he improved. Our yard still has a very long way to go to make it even on the redneck yard of the week on Blue Collar TV.

Once we kill all of the alligators, and carnivorous beasts, perhaps we can knock down portions of the jungle. I just hope the Greenpeace people don't show up with some complaint of us removing the habitat of fearsome critters.

So this evening after our Family Home Evening lesson on Testimonies, we began our weekly inspections to see who gets "allowance". Of course all of the "He's" needed more time to get their respective areas worthy of inspection. The only "she" casually lay down and snickered freely.

So to her complete entertainment, me the biggest "he", tackled the 4 year-old's room, the front room, then my 4 by 4 potty room. I dismantled the potty and cleaned all of the pieces, then reassembled it. And why did I do that you ask? Because I was waiting for the only "she" to say "Wow".

What I got was "Wow honey, you even did the floor! Yeah honey!"

I like what "she" said.

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Saturday, September 10, 2005

Bear or Fish?

This summer has been devoted to the Bear learning how to swim. Most of the time it was under duress, and he voiced his unhappiness throughout each session. We were, however, very pleased at his progress. We have some video of him early on in the lessons. We found even this to be amazing stuff.

Now he jumps off the deck into the pool unassisted. Believe me, that is a huge milestone.

Video 1:

Video 2:


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Hey Jean Paul What's This?

The answer of course:

"Hey what's to say, you dont have to be French to make good french bread!"

Which by no related segue brings me to why I am blogging today... I HAVE NO IDEA.

I spent the morning out in the yard doing battle with the jungle and the fearsome creatures living in it. Mostly pruning. I whacked on the orange tree, sparing branches that actually had fruit growing. Then I tackled a rather scary looking rose bush which fought back. After that the dwarf peach tree that wasn't looking so dwarf anymore.

If that wasn't enough, I took on the big fat hairy bush on the side wall that I have no idea what it is other than unruly and unattractive. Whacked that down, then another rose bush bit me, so I whacked it. Then the branch from the dead apple tree got in my way, so I started breaking things off of it. I decided to try and break the top off by pulling on it. I then discovered why the tree was dead. No roots. Said tree smacked me right in the mouth as it toppled rather effortlessly.

So now instead of all the raggedy looking trees and shrubs, we have a monster pile of prunings and dead stuff in the middle of the lawn. I hope the dead greenery fairy will drop by later.

Me beloved wife has made hints on her wonderful blog that means that soon I will be in the overheated garage making organized chaos out of regular chaos.

See her blog at for a good read. Gotta love her!

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Saturday, September 03, 2005

Quote of the Day

"Hey Daddy look, I'm invisible"


Friday, September 02, 2005

Not writing a poem today, deal with it

Holy crap what a month.

Working hard at work, coming home and working hard for the business, and freelance work for my brother's business. I am a whole lot of wiped out and tired these days.

On a more positive note though, ever since I got out of the hospital, my wife and I have changed our eating habits significantly, and so far I have dropped about 25 pounds. She had a quick burst at first but has stalled for a few days. I am hoping that for her sake that she sees some more progress soon so she doesnt get discouraged. She it still upbeat about it for the most part.

What was the deal with the hospital you ask? I got a new prescription for blood pressure called Dyazide. It is a diuretic which basically turns on your water works full blast, and washes away harmful things. The problem is that it also washes away good things such as Potassium. Herein lies the problem. I started feeling wierd right away on the medication, then one night became extremely ill. Cold sweat pouring of of me, the runs and vomiting all over the bathroom. It was a lovely evening. I stayed home from work the next day, and felt reasonably well. I went to work the next day and felt like crap. I was having twinges in my heart area, and my left arm was numbing and tingly. I went straight from work to the Emergency Room, where I was admitted for 2 days. They pumped tons of potassium into me via IV. I was so low, that when the first IV drip hit my system it smacked me hard and I honestly felt like I was going to check out. I started the cold sweat thing again and felt very nauseous. My heart rate dropped really low. After several minutes, I got through it. They told me that the potassium level is supposed to be 3.8 to 5.something, I was at 2.5. I learned that your heart needs the potassium to function, and if it gets too low, your heart will stop. If I hadn't gone in, I could have been in some serious trouble.

It took a couple of weeks out of the hospital on new blood pressure medicine and daily potassium pills, bananas and sunflower seeds to start feeling decent again. Every once in a while, I still feel "oogy".

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