Arizona Woodpeckers

I'm sure all of you are familiar with the sound of a woodpecker hammering rapidly on a tree. We are blessed at our home to have one that likes to peck at the stucco in the back of our house.

That aside, I would like to discuss one that I see (well, hear at first) as I walk the Bear to his bus stop.

Here's how it plays out:

Bear and Daddy walking along talking about things important to a kid.

TATTTATTAATTAATTATTATATTATT

"What is that noise Daddy?"

"It's a Woodpecker."

"What's a Wordpicker?"

"Wood... Pecker... They are birds that make a hole in trees with their beak and eat the bugs inside."

"Oh."

All well and good, but as daddy continues to walk and hear the tell-tale sounds of a bug-attack in progress, he spots the woodpecker...

ON TOP OF THE PLASTIC CASING OF A STREET LIGHT!

Okay, retarded woodpecker, or perhaps one of the new hipper kind that goes for classier substances than plain old wood.

So I had my laugh.

Over the next week, I saw the same thing two or three more times. I don't get it... and apparently neither does the woodpecker. I imagine that he is getting rather hungry.

A Long Lost Treasure

Sunday, as I sat between meetings, a friend of mine stepped up to me and mentioned that my scriptures were in the lost and found. I quickly looked to my side, and saw that my lovely new scriptures that I had received as a Christmas present from DramaMama were right where they should be.

I tried to think about any other of my scripture sets that could possibly be there. My previous set I knew was sitting in a basket to the side of our poofy chair in our front room.

I was stymied. My friend asked what my middle initial was, and I told him it was "R".

"Yeah, that's what it said. I'll go get it for you."

He returned a moment later and handed me an old Bible with a black zipper cover that I immediatley recognized.

The meeting began at that moment, so I mouthed "Wow!" to him. Right there on the front was my name in gold letters. I struggled with the old zipper and was finally able to get it opened. It fell open to the first page, where I recognized my father's handwriting in a note he had written to me over thirty years before.

I was holding the Bible that my parents gave me for my 12th birthday.

I was completely flabbergasted and bewildered as to how this book could have found its way to where it was. When I last saw this book, I lived in Utah, and I would have been 19.

I left on my mission then with my scriptures I had used in Seminary. I have no recollection of donating my old Bible to the church. DramaMama suggested that perhaps while I was on my mission that my parents might have done it.

Inside the front cover, a woman had written her name, address, and phone, and a note "This book belongs to:".

I looked again at the gold letters on the front, and could see that an attempt had been made to scribble my name out.

Now considering that I lived in Utah, and that it was most likely donated to the Ward library there, I found that the odds of my old Bible finding its way to Arizona, to my very church building, and accidentally being left behind, and brought to the lost and found there, are staggering.

I am considering calling the woman whose name is in the front to see if I can get some info on its journey here. I would gladly buy her a brand new set to replace this. I really don't want to let it go again.

I flipped through it and saw all the scriptures I had marked, several notes I had written in margins and in the lined pages in the middle. The handwriting style was decidedly teenage boy.

I found it interesting that the black zipper cover was still on it after all this time. I would have thought the woman would have disposed of that right away.

So, 30 years later, I once again received the gift of my very first Bible.

My Day Among the Brians

We bought a new car Thursday evening to replace DramaMama's smashed one.

We got a 2000 Ford Windstar LX, and got a pretty good deal on it. It is white with black trim. The picture here is what we have, but is someone else's.

Our salesman was named Brian. There is a minor problem with the sliding doors that they are going to fix. The maintenance department guy that will call us to make the appointment is named Brian. We were escorted back to the Finance department to finalize the sale, and were introduced to... Brian. Once we had that squared away, we contacted our insurance agent to get the new vehicle on our insurance. Take a guess at what his name is...

When Life Gives You a Swirly...

AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

IF credit_card_person = "Left Company"
dave_takes_over_transaction_duty = TRUE;

software_used_by_former_credit_card_person_is_now_obsolete = TRUE;

Do Purchase_New_Software with "$500";

Call_Tech_Support_with "Need Bank Info for New Software";

Tech_support_based_in_India = TRUE;
Tech_support_cannot_help = TRUE;

Call_Bank_With "Need Bank Info for New Software";

New_Software_Not_Supported_With_Your_Merchant_Account = TRUE;

Wasted_five_hundred_bucks = TRUE;

do_cuss_and_swear_dance();

Call_GoDaddy_for_New_Merchant_account();

It_will_take_72_hours = TRUE;

New_Software_wont_work_here_either = TRUE;

say_SHEEPDIP_real_loud();

Follow_suggestion_of_DramaMama_to_use_Paypal();

Login_to_paypal();

Account_inactive_must_delete_and_sign_Up_for_new_account = TRUE;

Click_on_close_account();

Cannot_close_because_there_are_funds_in_account = TRUE;

call_paypal_and_wait_on_hold_for_45_minutes();

do Follow_tech_support_direction_to_login_to_paypal with "I CAN'T IT WON'T LET ME!";

Response = Await_Direction_From_Tech_Support();

if Response == "Did you login into your Paypal account?"
do_cuss_and_swear_dance();
remind_tech_support("I CAN'T IT WON'T LET ME!");

Submit_Forgot_Password_Form();

Receive_email();

Click_link_to_Change_password();

link_failed = TRUE;

Paste_Link_Directly_In_Browser();

success = TRUE;


Input_Answer_For("Question 1: Mother's Maiden Name);
Input_Answer_For("Question 2: Pet's Name);


Tell_Tech_Support("I DONT HAVE A PET!");

Follow_dumb_Tech_Support_Direction_to_type_in_anything();

Tech_support_based_in_India = TRUE;
Tech_support_cannot_help = TRUE;

response = Try_setting_up_new_paypal_account_using_personal_email_address();

if response = "Account already exists"
say("COOL!");
login_into_forgotten_account();
success=TRUE;
response2 = Add_Business_Bank_account();

if response2 = "Bank account already associated with different paypal account"
do_cuss_and_swear_dance();
reponse3 = Add_Personal_Account()
if response3 = "Bank account already associated with different paypal account"

repeat_cuss_and_swear_dance();

recall_that_dad_setup_a_paypal_account();
Login_into_dads_account();
success=true;

Prepare_code_to_process_dozens_of_cards_for_backlogged_orders();
Run_code();
success=true;

result = Enter_credit_card_info_for_first_order();

if result = "Enter in 3 digit Security code"
do_cuss_and_swear_dance();
Yell("AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!");
endif
endif
endif
endif

Wait_until_GoDaddy_account_becomes_active();

Buy_different_new_software();

endif


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I Have My Insurance Agent on Speed Dial!

No Joe... say it ain't so!

What could be worse than one munched car?

Type in dumb answer here: __________.

Our nice little Bonneville has become the latest victim of the Weezil clan driving school of maniacs.

To top the day off another of our goldfish died.

All involved in the accident were okay. DramaMama was, shall we say, most unhappy with the kid that pulled in front of her. Even less jolly about the cop who ticketed... HER! The Bear said it was scary.

This makes our third car in as many years to get munched. My accident was nearly three years ago, and falls off the records in April.

Clinton has now been in two auto accidents in less than a week. This time his girlfriend was with him.

I am trying to keep a positive outlook about all of this. DramaMama has a sore back, and the girlfriend bit her lip, but that is about the extent of it. Everbody walked away from it. I was at work, so I called my dad, and he went out there to help them. My sister and her husband also showed up.

My sister just came by and handed us a wad of money to cover the rental car we have parked out front.

DramaMama is online looking for a new car... because, well... WE DONT HAVE ANY MORE!

I Throw Myself on the Mercy of the Court!

The Weezil in court? Yep.

What most heinous offense pray tell did yon Cheezer commit?

Um...

I procrastinated.

WHAT?!???!? You don't have to go to court for procrastination!

Well, that all depends on what it is that you procrastinated, and for how long.

You see, it all comes down to the not-getting-around-to-it factor. I had just as much time as every one else, yet I chose to ignore the problem... that is until it came back and bit me on the butt.

As you well know, every year you have to register your car. Not a big deal. Well this year... um... make that LAST year... I was required to pass the emissions test (THE CAR, not ME! Sheesh) which is always a pain, so I kept putting it off. Then 30 days became 90, 90 became a whole heckuvalot more.

REEEEEEEERRRRRRR! BLINKY BLINKY BLINKY BLINK (That's the cop pulling me over)

"Why are you driving with plates that expired in MAY?"

So I got a ticket, and I went on my way, telling myself it was my own dumb fault.

I took the car for emissions testing, and of course it failed. A cylinder 1 misfire. So once I got paid, I took the car in for repair. It cost $400.

The next day (see the previous post) BLAM!!!

Somewhere in all of the mayhem, I misplaced the citation. I remembered that the officer had mentioned that the court date was on January 31. So I called the Mesa Police department to find out what time and where I was supposed to go. They had no record of my ticket. Hmmmm. Try DPS (Dept of Public Safety) they said.

I called DPS, and they also had no record of the ticket. I doubted it was the girl scouts that gave me the stupid thing!

Next, I called the mesa city court to find out the time and place. They had no record of it. They suggested that I call the Justice court and see if it was there. So I called them, and they knew nothing about it.

I tried MPD and DPS again, same result. I tried the court again just to see. nothing. I gave up. I figured if nobody knew about it, it must have been lost in processing somewhere. I mentioned my troubles to a co-worker who suggested I call DPS on more time and ask them if I were to be pulled over by a DPS officer, at which court would need to appear? They asked where I was cited, and they gave me a phone number for the JUSTICE court. Different number than the one I called though. At last, I found someone that knew something. "9:00"

I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that if I had decided to give up, I would have had a bench warrant on my butt.

Anyway, I showed up at about 8:40 and got in line. Apparently there were lots of Mesa procrastinators that day. Finally it was my turn at the check in counter. I told the girl I had lost my ticket. She went and looked up my file.

"Do you have your registration?"

"That's the problem."

"$105 please."

I paid her. I had heard the clerks tell others to go into the courtroom, so off I trotted. I sat on the front row where I could hear the judge talking to the other wanted fugitives. It was very interesting to hear all the odd troubles people had gotten themselves into.

There were a couple of them busted for drug paraphenalia, a bunch for DUI, a couple WOMEN for unlawful entry and intimidation, several underage kids driving and/or drinking, a couple ex-cons, and a guy that falsified his car insurance.

Wouldn't it have been interesting if one of the ex-cons had sat by me?

"What are you in for?"

"Um... I procrastinated."

So anyway, I patiently waited my turn, not nervous, because I knew I was in the wrong. By the way, I knew the judge, but he didn't know me. My company did a lot of work for his campaign, including data for mailings and his website, both of which I did. So anyway, they kept calling people up, and more, and I waited, and waited... the numbers were dwindling... 5, 4, 3, 2... They called the other guy.

When they were done with him:

"What's your name?"

"Juan Tabo, wanted mexican drug lord."

he he he just kidding. I told him my name, and he said that they didnt have a file for me. GREAT!

I had just sat there for three hours!

The judge when on a trek to discover my wayward file. 15 minutes later he came back and said it was all resolved. GRRRRRR!

I still showed him my plethora of evidence as to why I was not able to register the vehicle. (Remember the BLAM????)

I then proceeded to ask about the citiation my son had gotten after the BLAM for the expired plates. The judge said that since it was in a Mesa neighborhood, it was under the jurisdiction of the Mesa City Court, and they couldn't do anything about tossing it out.

So on Feb 27, I get to appear with my son at that court and hope that they will be nice.

I finally got done with the old dead car today. I had the impound lot tow it to a salvage yard.

I should find out shortly whether I will be approved for a loan to get the Caddy.