Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Quintuple Bogey on a Four Man Scramble

Apache Wells Golf Course in Mesa Arizona reports a wave of apparent vandalism to their beautifully maintained course. Evenly spaced divots sprouted up throughout the course, varying in size from 3 wood to pitching wedge size.

Suspected in this defacing of the tee boxes, fairways, and several out of bounds areas was a brazen band of men from a local church. The leader of the gang, one 'Tater Salad', aka CheezWeezil was proported to have practically dug a trench from the tee box to the green of the 16th hole.

Early review of security camera footage shows Mr. Weezil and three of his cronies repeatedly swinging wildly with a variety of clubs, and only occasionally making contact with a golf ball.

While the method of their rampage resembled very slightly a game of four man scramble, the distances travelled by golf balls was not consistent with tournament-caliber play.

It is reported that at one point, the local Golf Pro faced the hoodlums, and stated in no uncertain terms that their behaviour was not proper for his golf course.

The get away vehicle, though not anything flashy, served its purpose. The four drove into a crowd of similar vehicles, parked and blended in with other patrons of the course.

So anyway...

Saturday morning, several men from our church went golfing and played a round robin tournament. I was in a group of four, and was the only one that had any experience to speak of. I hadn't played for a couple years, and the combination of novice and rust was nothing short of a royal crap-fest.

We stunk bad, but we had a good time. Some of the highlights of the day included being told of by the golf pro for being so slow, and letting an older gentleman who was on foot play through. We were in carts, and figured we would be pushing him from behind, but we never saw him again. Several occupants of the houses surrounding the course got early morning wake up calls from our group. We got some pretty good resonance out of some them.

It's pretty sad when you tee off and the ball disappears. NOBODY saw where it went. 1 shot, 1 lost ball. It didn't bode well for the day.

Usually golfers yell "fore" when they are about to kill a fellow golfer. Within our own group, we didn't give each other time to duck, or ourselves time to yell. Had it not been for the golf cart, I would have gotten beaned. It isn't often that a golf ball goes backwards when hit.

There were lots of birds on the course, and we used them as spotters. We knew the general direction the ball went, but the birds flying away from it let us know where it ended up. We tried hard to get a birdie, but they were too darn fast.



At June 26, 2007 2:51 PM, Blogger Sharlyn said...

Dave, I laughed out loud :) I've been reading your blog, just not posting, I usually can't think of anything clever to say. I found your blog through Jill's site, and read Drama Mamma's too. I started my own, but only get my sisters and mom that read it :) Thanks for the laugh. My husband plays golf once in awhile. He comes home with more golf balls than he took with him, because he's always hunting for the one he hit in the bush, and finding more in the process. lol

At July 05, 2007 8:00 PM, Blogger Dave said...


Thanks for commenting (finally) :)

Feel free to speak up more often, I don't get many comments.

At August 04, 2007 8:56 AM, Blogger Shane said...

funny stuff. I'm sure you and your group have been noted as domestic terrorists by that golf community


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